Sunday, November 30, 2008

"Your scrotum will be swollen...."

Well, I have finally had the dreaded iguinal hernia surgery. No fun to say the least. I remember when I saw the surgeon the first time. He told me what was wrong and that "we" would have to do surgery to repair. There wasn't any "we" in this surgery. Hell. all I did was prep myself for surgery. The doctor gleefully announced as he examined me prior to surgery, "you've, already shaved, that'll make the nurses happy." I'm glad I could give someone some joy on this my most glorious day. The doctor told me that he would make a little incision and then push the hernia back in to place and cover the area with mesh. Like hell little. The damn incision measures 5 *^%#$@! inches. The incision is bigger than...

The last thing I remember was the nurse saying that she was going to give me the rest of my "cocktail". Bingo, I wake up in recovery and some really cute nurse saying, "How do you feel, Mr. Henson?" How the hell do you think I feel? I've been out for forty five minutes, I have a five inch incision, my throat feels like sandpaper and I can't feel anything below my waist (no worry, the feeling came back, whew!!!) and you want to know how I feel? What do they teach in nursing school anyway? I feel like shit, now give me something to make me feel better.

They told me before surgery that I couldn't go home until I "tee-teed". Now I'm 55 years old, I don't think you have to use the word "tee-tee" anymore. Piss, take a leak, or urinate-just not "tee tee". I get back to the room and whizz bang, I pissed right off. I was in the bathroom doing my business and my wonderful wife heard the joyful sounds of urine hitting water and applauded my efforts. The nurse came in and I proudly described my exploits and she quickly said, "Did you flush?" I wanted to say no and I didn't raise the lid and I missed more than I hit, but I quickly realized that she doubted my recent success. She WASN'T going to win this argument. I did finally convince her that I really had done the deed.

My post op nurse kept lifting the sheet and saying, "your scrotum will be swollen, so don't worry. Just keep ice on it." Yeah, she was a female. No male would tell another male, "your scrotum will be swollen, so don't worry." I know she peaked under that sheet at least three times with the same "scrotum announcement." She was partially correct. It was REALLY swollen and it turned black and blue. No one told me about my very sensitive areas becoming black and blue. I was in for quite the surprise when on the third day after surgery I went to take a whizz and my $%@#*&^ penis was purple. No reason for alarm you say. The hell you say. I ain't got much but I sure as hell don't want what I got rotting off. The doctor on call heard from me immediately. He seemed to get a chuckle out of my paranoia.

Nurse India got me home and really after three relatively uneventful days I am on my way to a full recovery. But the next time a physician says, "we're going to have to do surgery", "we're going to talk about the details a little more.

24 comments:

David Henson said...

Wow. What an incredibly uncomfortable post to read, to say nothing of the one who experienced it!

Blake said...

Brother, you missed your calling. You should be in NYC or LA writing material for Saturday Night Live or some sitcom. I know it is an accurate account that shows what absurdly stupid things people say and do sometimes but once I got past the seriousness of a surgery, I almost "tee-teed" on myself while reading your story. Thanks for sharing.
I feel like I got to visit with my good buddy Hal for a minute...electronically of course.

Blake said...

Hey Bro,
my email is abbaof3@bellsouth.net

From there I can give you cell # and we can grab a beer some time. Or even better, I started making beer and wine about 18 months ago and I would love to share some with you.

Michael said...

i agree- that was an incredibly uncomfortable post to read - but only because "we" just had the same thing done and it hurts when I laugh. been over a year now, update? is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Anonymous said...

i too had an inguinal hernia repair on my left side... my left scrotum is quite swollen... it looks like it's 2x bigger than the right... there's no sign of black / blue or bleeding.. but it just feels slightly bigger / swollen.

I notice you had this as well... it's been 6 days already... the swelling has not subsided. When did your swelling subside and return to its original size?

I'm in friggin' paranoia state now.. someone help me!!

-Lee

Anonymous said...

Hey brother...I feel your pain...had the same surgery four days ago and I almost crapped my pants when I looked
Yesterday and saw my scrotum was twice normal size and black and blue as well as was "wee willy"...what a relief to read that this was a common problem...unfortunately no one at the hospital warned me this could happen...anyways thanks for the chuckle...my side is still sore from laughing
Bob

Anonymous said...

Four days out and thank god my junk did not change color.... although i have huge balls... that's not a good thing... i was happy with them in their natural state. every time i asked the Doctor about the swelling he said "normal, don't worry".... um.... hello.... walking... and um.... sleeping... and um.... well... just about anything is made more difficult with enormous balls. by the way, i, in now way, feel braver with these things hanging between my legs. how long did it take for your swelling to go down?

dean duvenhage said...

Big up guys! Thanks for the posts. And I am glad to know that I'm not the only one who laughed in pain after reading this. Happy to know the swelling will go down and go back to normal on its own. Don't think I would make it through another op. so soon. By far the happiest moment is the first "Tee Teed". Not feeling your legs for a few hours is by far the most paranoid I've been in a long time besides the swelling.

Anonymous said...

thank u for your info// you described everything accurately //Am in my 2nd day sorry I didn't see your blog before I went in /Am using Ice and tyenol

Had colon operation 4 years ago same problem/
Nobody warned me it would happen for a hernia .
all the wise guys said it I would walk around around in 2 days
mel
may 29/2013

Anonymous said...

I gotta say, you nailed it! I just had the same surgery. I was pretty calm before the surgery figuring that the nurse's comment "you may experience some swelling for a few days" couldn't be that bad....

OMG! My junk looks like an F'ing purple blowfish all puffed up!

It did make me laugh and feel a bit better knowing that someone else had gotten through this. I had the surgery three days ago and was starting to think that maybe something was going to fall off.

Alan said...

I just had surgery yesterday on right inguinal hernia.
i am glad to read that my swollen ball appears to be a common reaction that will resolve. Yesterday and this morning I was worried about the numbness in my right thigh. I called the doctor and one of his associates told me it is common, and it might not go away. Nobody mentioned that before the surgery. The numbness went away later in the day today. Now I just noticed my swollen ball and a quick search got me here to read that I am not alone. Thank you for sharing your experiences so that we don't have to run to the ER.
I have been trying to clear the "gunk" from my lungs from surgery. Each time I do, I hold my hand over the bandage to minimize the pain and protect myself from causing the repair to rip.
This is why I put this off for 6 months. I knew it was going to be a painful ordeal. Good luck to you all !

blue ball + said...

Dave
I had left inguinal surgery Friday the 9th I thought things went great after the surgery I was walking around walmart thinking man this went great. Now I am dealing with a purple grapefruit between my legs not to mention my purple penis, Why didn't they poke a drain whole for this to drain. There is no place for it to go, dr said there would be seepage and swelling. I thought he meant seepage around the stitches, We bought a comedy to watch boy was that the wrong thing to watch it hurt like hell when i laughed. it was bad before the surgery but i could push the swelling back in, Not so with this grapefruit its not going nowhere, this reminds of those guys with those balls hanging from their pickups but mine is the real mccoy.i even think i could compare with some of the best bulls out there. I guess all we can do is wait. Any sugestions for meds to reduce swelling?
Glad to know this is something that is common and will pass,

John Mode said...

I always wanted to know what it would be like to have a big black cock and big black balls. After my hernia surgery yesterday now I know!

Tom said...

Same here.
Got operated on Monday 14/10/2013.
Noticed s slight bruise, nothing to worry about.
Yesterday, I started to worry.
Today my scrotum is Black.

Wish the medical team had of warned me about this, especially since I have had 3 varicoscele repairs done already and it never bruised like this.....

Thanks for the good chuckle..:o)

Anonymous said...

I'm happy to read this. I'm 56, had a right inguinal hernia repair 5 days ago. I was sore and feeling pretty okay but that evening my right thigh went completely numb. Talk about heart-pounding terror. It self resolved the next day. I panicked on day 3 when the area around my incision swelled up. This appears to be lymph and being more active than I probably should have been. This morning I discovered my scrotum had turned purple-black alone the middle and my right testicle is enlarged. I'm concerned, but it's a relief to read that this is not altogether uncommon and self resolving.

I just wish the physicians would take the time to give us a hand out or something that lists these kinds of outcomes so we don't panic! FYI - I had my left hernia repaired about 7 years ago with none of these complications. I'm left wondering how much of this has to do with surgical skill (or the absence of same)

There doesn't seem to be a lot of follow-up with these posts; I suppose the problems go away and people don't follow up. I'll try and make a point of checking in and letting folks know how mine turns out.

Looking forward to getting back to normal.

Sore in Texas

Anonymous said...

Glad to read this had colon surgery a week ago and been suffering with swelling the last several days. Now that I know it is normal I will ice and relax, if that can be done simultaneously... lol

Anonymous said...

My balls swelled up to the size of a very large grapefruit. Everything is totally black and my ding dong has been completely consumed. This is unreal.

Anonymous said...

I had a left side inguinal hernia (that I had for years) repaired with only minor swelling. I developed a right side direct inguinal hernia and decided to have it repaired right away.... Both repairs were done by the same very qualified surgeon. 1 week later and yes my junk is swelled up to about twice it's normal size and turning bruise colors underneath and on the side. Ice and tylonol, I'll call the doc in a couple days if things get worse. Thanks for the post, appreciate it!

Anonymous said...

I had a "Double" repaired on 12/17/13 and the 1st couple days wasn't too bad. Then and day 3 "Shazam" Black and blue balls and whinky. Total discomfort and the hole package was like a grapefruit. Total pain, I am a Norco and Motrin 800 addict. Good to hear this goes away but like others in the post, was not prepared for this much bruising, swelling and pain !

Anonymous said...

Omg there should be a warning not to read this post within three days of surgery. I almost ripped out my sides laughing at purple blowfish and winkies. I too wasn't warned of the "minor" swelling that "may" occur. After getting both left and right hernia repair I thought I was doing well until I woke up with a huge mass between my legs. I had more pain from my purple enlarged gonads than the repair site! Frantically I've been googling quite a bit and am glad I'm not the only one having this grand experience!

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness for all this input. My husband had inguinal hernia repair three days ago which went from laparoscopic to a 6" incision. He is now sporting an extremely large purple black grapefruit/eggplant which has chased his "whowho" into his man cave, looking like a tiny baby cyclopse in a nest. This info has really helped my husband keep his sanity :)

Mark said...

Just had a double 3 days ago. My balls are black and blue, double their size. My dick the top half of my dick is black and blue. It hurt like hell yesterday. Swelling is down today. I recommend a comfortable jockstrap. Seems to help

Anonymous said...

I had my open double 7 days ago, thank goodness for these posts as i had no idea what to expect. Was stuck in bed for 4 days from all the pain. Sleeping with swollen balls is difficult and worse when you get an erection during the night. i have resorted to baby powder to minimise all the rubbing and friction down there. A word of warning dont get constipated because the pain is excruciating when you need to go.

Anonymous said...

I had my double, with mesh, 12 days ago. The staples come out in two days, but my scrotum is so swollen it's engulfed my penis. I have no idea how to reduce this. Bowel movements are fine, but urinating (while not painful) is a challenge. I have to stand right over the bowl, hang the boys into the opening, let fly and hope for the best.
Any ideas how to reduce this canteloupe?