Doctors, They say the darnedest things.

I've resisted writing this blog for three days now but finally had to succumb to the urge. If it didn't have to do with the medical profession I might have resisted but, "Doctors, they just say the darnedest things".

I had to visit my urologist on Wednesday. As you get older things just don't work as well as they used to and that happened to be the case with me and no it is not what you think, I didn't go for the little blue pill. Thankfully that still works just fine. I had an appointment at 1:30 and got there at 1:15, thinking that if I got there earlier that maybe I'd get out early. Well, fifty minutes later I had not even been called to pay my co-pay. They had this sign up stating, "If you have waited twenty minutes past your appointment, let us know." Those of you who know me know that I let them know. I kinda felt good about my letting them know how I felt when it suddenly dawned on me the mistake I had made. "You dumb ass, you are seeing a UROLOGIST-you don't want to make them mad-he has your future in his hands." Or at least he will shortly (excuse the pun). So I decide to calm down. Finally one hour and forty five minutes and four bathroom trips(now you know why I went to the doc) later I get called back to the examining room. And this mean looking nurse shoves a little container in my face and says, "we only need a little bit." I was highly pissed by now (oops another pun) and wanted to say, "well honey, I only have a little bit so that is all you are going to get" or some other smart ass answer but I told the truth. "Listen, I've been here for two hours and have peed four times and what ever is left you can have." Now that wasn't smartassed was it? I went and did the deed and came back and handed her my "specimen" (like they are doing some sort of great genetic research) and she smile and said in that kindergarten teacher voice, "Oh , you did so good." I wanted to say , "Listen you little..." Oh, never mind.

I sit in the room and listen to the doctor make his rounds. It is amazing how thin those walls are. I must have been on the guy wing of the hospital because all the patients he talked to were men. And I was the youngest. Man, these guys had some problems. Low testosterone. Blood in the urine...yuck. Kidney stones( been there done that). Erectile dysfunction( I want to be the guy that has to call the doctor after FOUR HOURS). There was one guy , sixty five, that had all sorts of problems but at the end of his exam said, "Oh, doc what about my sex drive?" Sixty five with a myriad of health problems and he's worried about sex drive. Damn, maybe getting old isn't so bad after all.

Finally, the doc comes in and apologizes for the wait. By this time, I wanted to thank him. The last thirty minutes had been quite entertaining. But now I realized that some jerk in the next room was going to be entertained by me. All the obligatory questions. Then the "drop the drawers" routine. He noticed my scare from hernia surgery and he actually rubbed the scar and asked, "who did your surgery?" Who the hell cares? I getting a little freaked out by now. Wow, doctors, what a fraternity? Then the bend over the table thing and it was at that point he asks, "Hows your sex life?" Damn, what is with this guy? I wished I had been in the position to raise my hand and say, "Ask him yourself!!!" But I did the "I'm out of town a lot and there is a lot going on in my life routine." And then he said and hold on, "You might want to consider *&^%$(*&^& a couple of times a week, that might help your condition." I wanted to come up off the table and take him by the neck and yell, "Where were you when I was sixteen, when I thought I would go blind." I never knew doctors could prescribe such things. It was just forty years too late. But, Doctors do say the darnedest things.