Playing in the dirt...do it now

Those of you who know me know that my grandson Brendan has stolen my heart. I absolutely love and adore the kid. I spent 3 1/2 wonderful days with him a few days ago. We strolled the day away in Berkley, went to the zoo, went to the park and spent a lot of time at home with me pushing the bike and watching him in the garden. The memories just keep flooding my brain. The last day was also fun but I had this empty feeling in my gut all day. I knew that I would be leaving my little buddy. Every time I thought about leaving I would have to fight the tears back. As we got closer to the airport I know my daughter-in-law noticed that I got quieter. Just the thought of having to say goodbye would bring tears to my eyes and it still does as I write this. When I got to the airport I rushed through the goodbyes so I wouldn't breakdown in front of Brendan and Amber. I did reach through the back window and did get a full face smile from Brendan when I pinched his nose and that was all that it took. I had to spend the next several minutes outside the airport getting myself together.

All of this has caused much reflection on my part. Why such huge waves of emotions with leaving Brendan? Do I love him that much? Yes. Do I miss him that much? Yes. Is there more? Yes.

My wonderful wife helped me figure it out. I think that I was a good dad when my kids were young but not a great dad. And with Brendan I feel that I have an opportunity to make up for some of the shortcomings. When my kids were old enough to play sports I remember being "all time quarterback" and having a great time. I remember coaching them in sports and attending a lot of sporting activities, but being with Brendan at his early age has helped me understand how much I missed when they were babies and toddlers. Last week I sat and watched Brendan play in the garden for an hour. Every now and then he would look up at me and smile but then continue in his on little world. I enjoyed that so much. I don't remember doing that with my boys though. I pushed Brendan on his "bike" and walked him in his stroller but I don't remember doing that with my boys. I have realized how much I really did miss as they were young because I had too many "important" things to do, like working too much and playing golf or just taking time for myself. The important thing would have been to immerse myself into their growing up. I can't undo it now but I sure as hell can make sure Brendan and little Will to come have plenty of time with pop. And to you young parents, nothing is more important than having time to play in the dirt with your kids. Do it now.