pops!thoughts

I have sinned!!!!

2009-11-26T07:56:00.000-08:00

Listening to the Paul Finebaum show yesterday I realized that after many years of delusion that I had finally found the TRUE WAY. It has to be the TRUE PATH for people could not be so passionate otherwise. It was a true "mind opening experience". Let me explain.

I now understand that the Bear Bryant that could walk on water was the forerunner of the ANOINTED ONE, Coach St. Nic Saban. I now understand that the years of Dubose, Price and Shula were the tribulation and that we the coming of St. Nic that we are now experiencing the rapture. The end times must now be here. I now understand why I did not experience orgasmic euphoria during the six years of AUburn dominance. It was part of the tribulation. I also understand why my brother and father tormented me so as a young child over my allegiance to AUburn football. They weren't being mean obnoxious bama fans they were concerned over my lost condition and were trying to get me to see the LIGHT, the way of the Nation of bama. There I have said it. St. Nick is the annointed one, he has come to carry the Nation of bama into the promised land. I realize now that I can NEVER make it to the promised land on the path that I have been travelling. I have seen the error of my ways. I need the red and white in my life. I know now that the Crimson Tide is the only way to be as pure as snow. Finally, I understand that it is not Christmas or Easter that makes a difference but the day that the Nation of bama rules supreme over the dark side in the Plains.

Jesus and the good shit

2009-07-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

I guess you can say that I am madder than hell, whatever that phrase might mean. I think I can say that it is a spiritual mad, I just don't know at whom I am mad. I have been for the last few weeks attending a Sunday School class where we have been talking about the "Rich Young Ruler". We have spent four weeks trying decide why Jesus told him to sell all that he had and give to the poor, had this man really kept all those commandments and many other trivial things. I am not trying to marginalize the discussions but sometimes we try to see more into the teachings of Jesus than are there.

Here's my take and then I'll tell you why I'm mad. This young successful business man comes to Jesus and says, "Hey good religious man, what do I need to be able to get the stuff you've been talking about, like I mean the eternal life stuff." Jesus replies, "why are you calling me good, there is only one really good one, besides it's not about being good." "But Jesus, I've done all the other tough stuff that all us religious folks need to do in order to be considered good", the young professional replies. Jesus. You want to really be "good" then sell all you have and give it to the poor." The young professional. "are you crazy, I've worked hard to get where I am and I'm not about to give it up. Haven't you heard about the recession we are in? Man, George got us into a mess and Obama is digging the hole deeper. But I so really wanted to get the stuff you talked about but man that is too much to ask." To me his problem was he didn't want to part with his shit and his shit kept him from the good shit Jesus was talking about. A spiritual journey that was all about building a relationship with Jesus and others in the community of THE WAY. To me Jesus was talking about THE WAY of LIFE as much as ETERNAL LIFE and so often I confuse the two.

Now, here is why I'm madder 'n hell. I sit in this class and begin to pontificate about how we've missed the mark as a church and have made church about forgiveness of sins rather than community and being a community of believers. I turned to a lady in our class (who had earlier asked for prayers for her business) and told her that if her community of believers were what they ought to be that she wouldn't have to worry about what would happen if her business failed, that her community would rally to the side of her family and see them through the mess. And then she broke down and cried, probably through fear for her business but I think from listening to her more about her doubts that her community would be there for her. And I'm mad as hell that I for one am just like the rich young professional, except that I'm an old professional, and I'm not so sure I am willing to "walk the way to eternal life." You mean I gotta do what? Jesus talks a lot about money and the epistles say a lot about money and regardless of what our western culture may say about money, it is really not about money it is about community. Jesus said, "give it away". The early church had all in common and we can explain It away all we want to but that is what it says. I'm just not so sure I like it. I guess I can't decide which shit I really want.

Well, enough of my rant...I need to go make some more...

On being all time quarterback

2009-06-22T18:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Father's Day and I was talking with David about being a dad. We were talking about our time together when he was young. One of the things that he remembers were the times in North Alabama when we would play football in our yard. I always got to be all time quarterback-something David remembers fondly. I remember it with a great sense of fondness, too. Being all time quarterback was one of the many good things about being dad. I was pretty good at it also, not that I was a great passer or play caller but I think I knew how to manage "the game." For you future all time quarterbacks here are some pointers.

1. Always be aware of the importance of dividing up the teams correctly. The older kids invariably want to be on the same team so they can show their "prowess" in beating the younger kids. Even them up but keep the siblings separte where you can. Also be careful to divide up the speed guys.

2. You have to be very skillful in managing the game itself. Usually one team really starts "sticking" it to the other. You have to know how to overthrow the ball so that it doesn't look like it. If it looks good-the "my bad" line usually works. You just can't do it too often or you'll be accused of "cheating". Not that I ever did that but you might need it in your bag of tricks. Another valuable skill is knowing the right time to throw that ill timed interception. The best time to throw it is on a down and in/or out. You throw the interception and claim that you thought they were going to cut the other way. When you throw this interception the key is to throw it so the weaker team can return it for a TD. This can be a momentum changer. Occasionally you want to give the weaker team an interception but ALWAYS when teh weaker team has little chance of a first down.Again, be careful not to use this one too often. The other trick is to know the right time to call a penalty. Never make a flagrant bad call but always err to the weak team in close calls but every now and then throw the strong team a bone on a penalty.

3. Uaually in these games there is one kid that isn't nearly as good as the other ones. You have to know how to set up that one play so that kid gets to be the hero. Maybe a trick play or maybe it is the "interception". Sometimes you even have to get the other kids in on it. But believe me it works.

4. The most important thing about being all time quarterback is having plenty of goodies for half time or at the end. Plan to have hot dogs and cokes, win or lose evry kid enjoys that part of the game.

As you can see, I have the finer points in being all time quarterback down pat. I must say I don't remember any bad games at "all time quarterback". I think I might one day make the Hall of Fame. I'd get my vote!! It was a blast. Try it sometime. I hope that I can live long enough to be all time quarterback for Brendan and Will.

My Father's Day Gifts-Already Given

2009-06-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

Well, Father's Day will be here on Sunday. I guess this will be my 30th year to be recognized on this day. I always got a kick out of this day especially when the boys were little. I don't remember what the present was on my first Father's day but I do remember the sense of awe of actually being a father on that day. Being a dad has always been a special role for me, not that I was necessarily a great dad but I was a good one. I love being a father and today I still love that role. And now I get to add the role of being a grand father. I have reflected this year more on being a dad more than others in recent years and for a number of reasons.

One is that I am "watching" my youngest son become a father for the second time. Little Will is due anyday now. I really hope he is a Father's Day baby, even though if he were born a little late he could be born on my birthday. But what could be a better Father's Day present for my son than to have little Will being born on Father's Day. It is really cool to watch David being a dad. He is a damn great dad!!!
I am awed by his patience, gentleness, love and determination in being a dad. David is a "stay at home dad". He relishes the role of dad and primary caregiver. He is great at what he does. I realize as I watch him father Brendan how short of his mark that I fell. I believe David would be a great dad even if he weren't the primary caregiver. So David, the best present you could give me on this Father's Day is one that you have already given to me-being the best dad for which Brendan and Will could hope. Your past accomplishments, and they are many, do not compare to what you are doing now. David, I love you.

The other reason that I have reflected so much on this Father's Day is my oldest son Zac. I have had the opportunity the last few months to see my son in a different light. Several months ago Zac found out that he had a disease/disorder that he would have to deal with the rest of his life. I have seen him tackle the disease head on and never back down from it. I know that at times he has probably wanted to give up be he never has. I remember getting off the plane in Oakland shortly after he experienced a life and death situation and was diagnosed with this disease. I was horrified at what I saw. He looked like a dead man walking. His eyes were sunken, his was frail and had an ashen color. I am so glad that his mom did not see him that day. His mom and I have had the opportunity to help nurse him back to health, more his mom than me but more Zac than anyone. I have seen a courage, a strength and a determination that I didn't know that he had. One that I don't think that I could have. I have seen sunken eyes begin to sparkle, fraility turn in to strength and a ashen look turn into a healthly look. I have heard him begin to laugh more and to communicate more. I have heard him say that what has happened to him the last few months is a miracle. So Zac, the best present I could get from you on this Father's Day has already been given-it is you-it is the miracle of you. Zac, I love you.

Inspired Faith

2009-05-25T11:33:00.000-07:00

I, like many people, tend to struggle with this thing called faith. I think that that can be a good thing. Yet I keep coming back to the thing that many times has hurt or lessened my faith and that is the church. I have come to realize that there are very few in the church that do and say things that hurt. For the most part, we are all good people who struggle with the mundane everyday activities of life and it is that struggle within itself that brings us together. It has been the few but powerful that have caused so much damage. And the same can be said today, both from within and without the church.

For the last several months my struggle has been deeper that at times in the past. I have been asking the "Why?" question a lot. I still don't have the answer. But for some strange reason, in spite of the doubts, my faith in Him has become stronger. I don't understand all the ins and outs theologically but my faith in Him has grown. It seems that the one that we call Jesus is under constant attack in the academic world. Was he really who he claimed to be? Or did he ever claim to be who we say he is? Can we trust a book as reliable that apparently has inconsistencies? On a recent trip to Chicago I had the opportunity to visit the Chicago Art Institute. The first part of the exhibit that I viewed was the section on what I call religious art. I don't know the correct name. The art was amazing. Hundreds of years old. Artists who invariably protrayed this one I called Jesus as the son of the virgin Mary but who was also the son of God. I saw portrayals of the last supper, the denial of Peter, the betrayal of Judas and the crucifixion of Jesus. I was awed, not so much by the beauty of the paintings but the history of hundreds of years that told a story of people much like me, a people who may not know all the ins and outs of theology but who believed in this one called Jesus as the Messiah, the Christ, the Holy one of God. I walked in amazement and renewed faith. A faith renewed not by words on a page but words that had been put on canvas. The words were not even there but yet they were so powerful. The words that spoke, "believe in me."

I have been pondering these thoughts for several days and yesterday during communion my thoughts drifted back to those paintings. I saw my Savior in those paintings. I saw his love and the love of those who painted those pictures. I saw the love of one that has transcended hundreds of years but yet a love that still changes countless lives. Yes, all the same imperfections are present in God's people today. Yes, there are still the lingering theological questions but to me history and yes even these paintings suggest that there was one who was called Jesus who lived among men and suffered a very cruel death on the cross and who was indeed raised on the third day as the Christ. Why else would men and women through history follow one so, unless just maybe there was something to who he was-The holy one of God.

Playing in the dirt...do it now

2009-04-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me know that my grandson Brendan has stolen my heart. I absolutely love and adore the kid. I spent 3 1/2 wonderful days with him a few days ago. We strolled the day away in Berkley, went to the zoo, went to the park and spent a lot of time at home with me pushing the bike and watching him in the garden. The memories just keep flooding my brain. The last day was also fun but I had this empty feeling in my gut all day. I knew that I would be leaving my little buddy. Every time I thought about leaving I would have to fight the tears back. As we got closer to the airport I know my daughter-in-law noticed that I got quieter. Just the thought of having to say goodbye would bring tears to my eyes and it still does as I write this. When I got to the airport I rushed through the goodbyes so I wouldn't breakdown in front of Brendan and Amber. I did reach through the back window and did get a full face smile from Brendan when I pinched his nose and that was all that it took. I had to spend the next several minutes outside the airport getting myself together.

All of this has caused much reflection on my part. Why such huge waves of emotions with leaving Brendan? Do I love him that much? Yes. Do I miss him that much? Yes. Is there more? Yes.

My wonderful wife helped me figure it out. I think that I was a good dad when my kids were young but not a great dad. And with Brendan I feel that I have an opportunity to make up for some of the shortcomings. When my kids were old enough to play sports I remember being "all time quarterback" and having a great time. I remember coaching them in sports and attending a lot of sporting activities, but being with Brendan at his early age has helped me understand how much I missed when they were babies and toddlers. Last week I sat and watched Brendan play in the garden for an hour. Every now and then he would look up at me and smile but then continue in his on little world. I enjoyed that so much. I don't remember doing that with my boys though. I pushed Brendan on his "bike" and walked him in his stroller but I don't remember doing that with my boys. I have realized how much I really did miss as they were young because I had too many "important" things to do, like working too much and playing golf or just taking time for myself. The important thing would have been to immerse myself into their growing up. I can't undo it now but I sure as hell can make sure Brendan and little Will to come have plenty of time with pop. And to you young parents, nothing is more important than having time to play in the dirt with your kids. Do it now.

Up, Up and a weigh!!!!

2009-04-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

I had the great experience of visiting my grandson (and son and daughter-in-law) this past weekend and it was a glorious experience. I also had the most awful flying experience ever on Southwest Airlines, not that they necessarily had anything to do with it. I always check in online so I can try to get an "A" boarding pass, that way I am one of the first on the plane and can usually get a good seat. If the plane is not full, I try to sit in the back with hopes of having an open seat next to me. Well, this time I sure didn't get an open sit. As a matter of fact, I felt like I had to share my seat for the four hour flight.

The last boarders were just getting on and I had TWO open seats next to me and I saw them at a distance. MR. FATMAN and his also very chubby wife. Now she wasn't fat but she was chubby. Now, I try not to be prejudicial about fat people. I don't have a lot of room to talk, I am probably 20 pounds overweight myself. But Mr. Fatman was probably 220 overweight, I kid you not. And Mrs. Chubby Fatman had a good extra 100 pounds on her. I knew when I saw them that I was in trouble. Mr. Fatman made direct eye contact and his eyes said, "your mine". I said to myself, "Oh Shit." Well maybe I said something else but I can't print that. He was so fat that he swished when his big 'ol lard thighs made contact with the seats. He actually had to walk sideways to get through and his big 'ol dough belly just kinda rolled over the seats. And of course Mr. and Mrs. Fatman came loaded with bags, not clothes bags but bags of food. I had seen this oh so sweet couple in the waiting area, I actually sat across from them and I heard him say, "I can't believe you spent $200 on souvenirs, good money gone to waste." Fatpeople translation: "I can't believe you spent $200 dollars on something you couldn't eat."

I politely got up to let Mr. and Mrs. Fatman wedge themselves into the seats. Literally wedge themselves into the $%#@(*& seats. He had a really hard time getting his seatbelt buckle. He actually said, "Damn, they worked on the way out." I wanted to say , "yeah but that was before you hit all the buffets in Vegas big boy." A smartass I am but stupid I am not, Mr. Fatman could have killed be sitting on me. The minute he sat down I knew that whatever he had for lunch had had onions on it. STRONG ONIONS!!! But I swear to you, I was squeezing everything I had together to fit back in my seat and the "boys" weren't happy. The only way that I could get back into my seat was to raise the arm rest on my seat, so I got to ride 4 hours to Birmingham (late at night) with my ass hanging into the aisle. Needless to say I got somewhat intimate with the flight attendants as the worked the aisles. I wanted to tell Mr. Fatman that the last time I got that close to someone it was my wife and I called her god. Fortunately, they only had to get up once to use the facilities and I still don't know how he got in and out of the bathroom. But they had to get up when Mrs. Fatman got sick after drinking THREE screwdrivers in about an hour.

But here's my beef (sorry), if I paid full price for my seat he should have had to give me a refund because I damn sure know that he used half of my seat. And why in the hell don't airlines make fatpeople buy an extra seat. Damn straight I'm mad. If I cover over 50 pounds in luggage I have to pay extra and Mr. Fatman looked like he had eaten a full set of luggage before he boarded the plan. And if fatpeople should even be allowed to fly they should have the "No Snore" rule for fatpeople. Hell, yes Mr. Fatman was able to sleep. His neck was so fat he had built in pillows and he slept like a long. I finally looked over at him and Mrs. Fatman just smiled that "Oh well" smile. And I wanted to say. "Listen you drunk bitch keep your fat husband quite." But again, I'm not stupid, she could have killed me with one of her big 'ol breasts. And to top it off Mr. Fatman decided to let one go. I didn't hear it but oh my goodness. You don't want to know. And to top it all of Mr. Fatman complained about the baby crying in the row behind us. I think the comment was something about the babies should all have to sit in the same area. And that gave me an idea, airlines should have a fat section where you have a weight limit and you are charge by the pound for every pound that you are over. Now that is the weigh to go.

Doctors, They say the darnedest things.

2009-04-03T04:29:00.000-07:00

I've resisted writing this blog for three days now but finally had to succumb to the urge. If it didn't have to do with the medical profession I might have resisted but, "Doctors, they just say the darnedest things".

I had to visit my urologist on Wednesday. As you get older things just don't work as well as they used to and that happened to be the case with me and no it is not what you think, I didn't go for the little blue pill. Thankfully that still works just fine. I had an appointment at 1:30 and got there at 1:15, thinking that if I got there earlier that maybe I'd get out early. Well, fifty minutes later I had not even been called to pay my co-pay. They had this sign up stating, "If you have waited twenty minutes past your appointment, let us know." Those of you who know me know that I let them know. I kinda felt good about my letting them know how I felt when it suddenly dawned on me the mistake I had made. "You dumb ass, you are seeing a UROLOGIST-you don't want to make them mad-he has your future in his hands." Or at least he will shortly (excuse the pun). So I decide to calm down. Finally one hour and forty five minutes and four bathroom trips(now you know why I went to the doc) later I get called back to the examining room. And this mean looking nurse shoves a little container in my face and says, "we only need a little bit." I was highly pissed by now (oops another pun) and wanted to say, "well honey, I only have a little bit so that is all you are going to get" or some other smart ass answer but I told the truth. "Listen, I've been here for two hours and have peed four times and what ever is left you can have." Now that wasn't smartassed was it? I went and did the deed and came back and handed her my "specimen" (like they are doing some sort of great genetic research) and she smile and said in that kindergarten teacher voice, "Oh , you did so good." I wanted to say , "Listen you little..." Oh, never mind.

I sit in the room and listen to the doctor make his rounds. It is amazing how thin those walls are. I must have been on the guy wing of the hospital because all the patients he talked to were men. And I was the youngest. Man, these guys had some problems. Low testosterone. Blood in the urine...yuck. Kidney stones( been there done that). Erectile dysfunction( I want to be the guy that has to call the doctor after FOUR HOURS). There was one guy , sixty five, that had all sorts of problems but at the end of his exam said, "Oh, doc what about my sex drive?" Sixty five with a myriad of health problems and he's worried about sex drive. Damn, maybe getting old isn't so bad after all.

Finally, the doc comes in and apologizes for the wait. By this time, I wanted to thank him. The last thirty minutes had been quite entertaining. But now I realized that some jerk in the next room was going to be entertained by me. All the obligatory questions. Then the "drop the drawers" routine. He noticed my scare from hernia surgery and he actually rubbed the scar and asked, "who did your surgery?" Who the hell cares? I getting a little freaked out by now. Wow, doctors, what a fraternity? Then the bend over the table thing and it was at that point he asks, "Hows your sex life?" Damn, what is with this guy? I wished I had been in the position to raise my hand and say, "Ask him yourself!!!" But I did the "I'm out of town a lot and there is a lot going on in my life routine." And then he said and hold on, "You might want to consider *&^%$(*&^& a couple of times a week, that might help your condition." I wanted to come up off the table and take him by the neck and yell, "Where were you when I was sixteen, when I thought I would go blind." I never knew doctors could prescribe such things. It was just forty years too late. But, Doctors do say the darnedest things.

Theology for Dummies

2009-03-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

I don't get around to posting much on this blog but I have been reading some other blogs that have peaked my interest lately. Most have been religious in nature. Here is a conclusion that I have come to after reading most of them. I just too damn dumb to understand what most are trying to say. My favorite theologian is NT Wright and may times I feel the same way about his writings. However, good old Tom often writes "dumbed down versions" for those of us who are looking for "Theology for Dummies"-damn I may have come up with a business idea. So here are my TOP TEN questions for the intellectual religious bloggers.

1) Who in the hell are you trying to impress? Certainly not me, my dictionary doesn't carry most of those words.

2) Do you really want comments from dumb-asses like me? If so, put it in language that I can understand.

3) Does your blog mean that you have been given the gift of tongues? If so, when do we get the interpretation?

4) Have any of you figured out exactly how many angels can dance on the head of a needle?

5) Can you tell me what you are reading so that I can make sure not to buy it? If I can't understand you, there sure in hell is no way that I will understand what you are reading.

6) Is it possible to understand the great religious texts and understand your blogs at the same time? If so, have you written "Theology for Dummies" yet?

7) Wouldn't it be easier just to re-write the great religious texts and then you wouldn't have to tell us what they mean?

8) Oh shit, I'm running out of questions.

9) Number 9 wasn't any good anyway.

10) Have any of you actually read your own blogs? Did you understand them? Maybe you should be the one to write "Theology for Dummies". Or better yet, always post two at the same time. The original and one that explains the original.

I guess I could stop reading them but then I would't have a blog to post.

Sit down and shut up

2009-03-01T11:07:00.000-08:00

It's hard to know where to begin. The last week and a half have been a whirlwind. A week ago on Friday I flew to California to be with my son Zac. He was going through a tough time. He and I got to spend some really good time together. I did a lot of listening, which is a big change for me. But I learned a valuable lesson about just sitting down and shutting up. I learned to appreciate my son probably more than I ever had. I learned that he was a young man of great courage. He has had the courage to face certain issues straight on and has had the courage to make some courageous decisions. And his old man may just get to be the beneficiary of his courage. Zac and I, at least for right now, are planning on going into business together. More on that later, if we finalize those plans. But I think we both realized how much a like we are and I think that we also realized how much we really love each other. I am so proud of him.

I also got to spend some time with my other son, his wife and my little buddy Brendan. I got to be pops! and man did I love it. The more that I am with the kid the more I want to be around him more. He and Zac and myself went to the Oakland Zoo one day and we had a blast. He got to ride around on Uncle Zac's shoulders for most of the day and he loved it. He even got to see the giraffes mating. Zac and I both got a laugh out of that. The next day I took him to an indoor playroom and spent about three hours together. the boy didn't stop the whole time we were there.

Pops! then came home to his girls. My lovely wife and my little girl Daisy, our new Australian pup. She got to come to the airport with Jadda to pick me up. Now that Jadda is gone for a few days I am getting to "babysit". She is a constant ball of energy. She is my little girl. She is in that "toddle" stage-she is into everything and wants your constant attention.

One thing that I have learned the last few days is to value ALL my time with the people (or animals) that I love and to sit down and shut up.

pops!

Little buddies

2009-02-04T13:15:00.000-08:00

Why do I go to church? I've really been thinking about that a lot lately. I struggle with this thing called "faith". Not because I don't believe in God, I do. Not that I don't believe in Jesus, I do. I consider myself a somewhat "progressive conservative Christian". I'm not sure what that means but I don't consider myself right wing or left wing politically or religiously. And I don't know if I'm in the middle. Hell, I just changed subjects. But why do I go to church? I really enjoy corporate worship. I may be weird but I really come closer to God in that environment that others and that may say a lot about why I struggle with this "faith" thing. But I think that the thing that I like most is the people. Just take last Sunday. I was a little late getting to church and I proceeded to my normal place. The Daniel family was not there but the Crockett's were and when my buddy Gavin saw me he smiled this huge smile and came over and hugged me around the legs. You talk about having your day made, well, my was. Most Sundays, when Gavin is there ,I get to look at his books, color and just enjoy him. Sometimes he will even lay his head on my shoulder and I just melt. I know Gavin likes me regardless of what I wear, what I think politically or what I think religiously. He likes "Mr. Hal" because...I really don't know why. But I hope he likes me because he knows that I love him. And even with little Sam, I am beginning to strike up a bond. He is still at the age where he wants to be with mommy and daddy but when he sees me he gives me that "look", that look that has a twinkle in his eyes and a little smile on his face. I sure sometime soon Gavin won't think it cool to sit in Mr. Hal's lap and color but maybe by then little Sam will. I really like my little buddies. They really make church-church. Why do I go to church? Are Gavin and Sam good enough reasons? I enjoy the worship. I enjoy Pastor Garry's sermons. I enjoy my time with Pastor Charlie. But Gavin and Sam help this old fart feel good every Sunday morning. And I guess that I also see in them another little buddy that I miss and love so much, my grandson Brendan. And I think that God is glorified in that. I think that He loved His little buddy. I can't help but think that as God looked down on Jesus from his time as a child until He finally was crucified that He looked down with pride on his "little buddy". So I think that God is pleased that on Sundays that I take time with my little buddies. And if that were all that I got out of church, that would probably be enough.

Hell, give him a chance!!!!

2009-01-21T14:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, one of the most historic days of my life, I had to spend in meetings until after lunch. I missed seeing the inaguration of President Barack Obama. I had to watch the replay of the event last night on CSPAN. I had heard some conservative jerks, I mean commentators talk about the speech on my way to work yesterday afternoon. The commentary was that it was a very disjointed speech with no flow to it. I expected to hear a speech that was far from Obamaesque.

But I heard a speech that was more substance that flowery oratory. Did President Obama tell us the specifics of what he was going to do? No. But he was very honest and forthright. We are in a frigging mess and he promised to meet the problems head on. I am a lifelong Republican but I was inspired as I listened to his speech. A President saying that he couldn't, nor could the government solve our problems, he asked for our help as Americans. I for one want my President to succeed. I want a better country for my grandchildren. Do I agree with all his politics? Hell no, but I do believe him to be a good moral man that has a very positive vision for this country. How arogant can we conservatives be to think that the only right way is our way. President Bush has had eight years, and I understand that he faced difficult circumstances, but this country is not better off after having four years under his leadership. I believe W to be a good man but a leader who has severely divided this country. I hope that President Obama can unite our political leaders. He, so far, has done a good job of reaching across the aisle asking that we all unite for the common good of our great country. I, for one, do not think that the massive expansion of government is the way to go. But our last President, the man I voted for, began the expansion of government. Maybe President Obama can take the philosphy and make it work. I am willing to give him a chance. I am also willing to pray that President Obama becomes the leader that our country has not had in many years. A leader that inspires hopes, dreams and success.

This lifelong Republican actually cried when Aretha Franklin sang "My Country 'tis of Thee". I think that was the song. I was moved by emotion as I watch people from every walk of life being united rather than divided. I laughed and cried as I watched the Obama girls observe their Father receiving the oath of office to the highest position in the country. I was happy when Obama stumbled over his words, not because he screwed up but because it made him seem like one of us. Not a perfect man but an imperfect man seeking imperfect people to strive for perfection.

So what am I trying to say. Shut the hell up Limbaugh and Hannity. Listen to him for a change. Give the man chance.

The Kid

2009-01-15T14:30:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday Pastor Garry spoke on our attitude towards riches and it wasn't the typical pastor sermon on giving. It was a honest look at how we should view stuff and how stuff shouldn't change how we look at ourselves. On the way home from church, as we got on our exit, there was a young man on the side of the road with a sign that said, "broke-hungry". The kid had to be in his early twenties and was wearing very light clothing for weather in the 40's, wet and windy. He was literally shaking, one of those whole body shakes as he begged for money. I think I ask one of the dumbest questions ever, "You got any place to stay." The kid kind of look at me like, well, you dumb ----, what do you think?" Rather he politely gave me a blank stare. India and I gave him ten bucks and I told him I'd be back later to check on him. I told him to go get something to eat. I was tired and wanted to go home and take a nap and thought that after I took care of myself then I could check on him.

I got home and realized how selfish I had been. I wonder what the kid would have thought if I had said hop in and let's go to our house. He could have taken a hot shower and had some of my wonderful homemade vegetable soup and who knows maybe we could have figured out a place for him to stay for the night. I turned around and went back to find him. Call it what you will, but he had broken my heart. I kept thinking about my sons when they were that age and how as a father I would have given anything to anyone if they had reached out to my sons if they were in that situation. I thought about my little buddy who one day will be a young kid who, God forbid, might need someone to reach out and lend a helping hand. I was more concerned with my nap than the welfare of some poor lost soul (not talking in the spiritual sense). Or maybe I am. Maybe true spirituality is to see the needy and respond. The kid needed a whole helluva lot more than ten bucks. He was gone when I went to check on him. I drove up and down the interstate and no kid. I check the convenience stores and no kid. I check the fast food places and no kid. I check the grocery stores and no kid. I checked under the overpass to the interstate and no kid. I cried. I felt that God had put me in this kids path or he had put him in mine. I had missed a God given opportunity to minister. A opportunity missed. It has haunted me all week. It literally made me sick that Sunday afternoon.

I have come to understand that christianity is a lot more than "leading someone to the lord". It is more than studying the Word. It is more than kneeling in prayer. It is more than loving my spouse. It is more than loving my boys. It is more than being overtaken by the love of my grandson. I just don't know if I really know what the "more" is. One thing I do know is that I will forever see the look on that kids face when I gave him ten bucks and know that he was wanting more. A more is not money. So maybe I do know what the more is. Not my money but me.

And I do pray that someone truly reached out to the kid.

"Your scrotum will be swollen...."

2008-11-30T12:17:00.000-08:00

Well, I have finally had the dreaded iguinal hernia surgery. No fun to say the least. I remember when I saw the surgeon the first time. He told me what was wrong and that "we" would have to do surgery to repair. There wasn't any "we" in this surgery. Hell. all I did was prep myself for surgery. The doctor gleefully announced as he examined me prior to surgery, "you've, already shaved, that'll make the nurses happy." I'm glad I could give someone some joy on this my most glorious day. The doctor told me that he would make a little incision and then push the hernia back in to place and cover the area with mesh. Like hell little. The damn incision measures 5 *^%#$@! inches. The incision is bigger than...

The last thing I remember was the nurse saying that she was going to give me the rest of my "cocktail". Bingo, I wake up in recovery and some really cute nurse saying, "How do you feel, Mr. Henson?" How the hell do you think I feel? I've been out for forty five minutes, I have a five inch incision, my throat feels like sandpaper and I can't feel anything below my waist (no worry, the feeling came back, whew!!!) and you want to know how I feel? What do they teach in nursing school anyway? I feel like shit, now give me something to make me feel better.

They told me before surgery that I couldn't go home until I "tee-teed". Now I'm 55 years old, I don't think you have to use the word "tee-tee" anymore. Piss, take a leak, or urinate-just not "tee tee". I get back to the room and whizz bang, I pissed right off. I was in the bathroom doing my business and my wonderful wife heard the joyful sounds of urine hitting water and applauded my efforts. The nurse came in and I proudly described my exploits and she quickly said, "Did you flush?" I wanted to say no and I didn't raise the lid and I missed more than I hit, but I quickly realized that she doubted my recent success. She WASN'T going to win this argument. I did finally convince her that I really had done the deed.

My post op nurse kept lifting the sheet and saying, "your scrotum will be swollen, so don't worry. Just keep ice on it." Yeah, she was a female. No male would tell another male, "your scrotum will be swollen, so don't worry." I know she peaked under that sheet at least three times with the same "scrotum announcement." She was partially correct. It was REALLY swollen and it turned black and blue. No one told me about my very sensitive areas becoming black and blue. I was in for quite the surprise when on the third day after surgery I went to take a whizz and my $%@#*&^ penis was purple. No reason for alarm you say. The hell you say. I ain't got much but I sure as hell don't want what I got rotting off. The doctor on call heard from me immediately. He seemed to get a chuckle out of my paranoia.

Nurse India got me home and really after three relatively uneventful days I am on my way to a full recovery. But the next time a physician says, "we're going to have to do surgery", "we're going to talk about the details a little more.

They got me by the .....!!!!!!

2008-11-12T13:51:00.000-08:00

You know your day is starting off badly when you go to the doctor and he says "stand on this stool and drop your pants." Then he says, "and drop the under wear too." I had already decided that if he said to drop anything else that I was going to tell him that it wouldn't drop any further. Then he proceeds to poke and prod with no concern for how badly I was hurting. He did the routine that he pokes and says "now cough hard." I wanted to respond by saying, "you stand on the stool and drop your pants and underwear, let me poke your with vigor and see if you can cough hard." I wanted to knock the shit out of him and ask how that was for hard.

I found out that I had a hernia that needed to be repaired and that when I had it done I was going to hurt like hell for two days. But the day gets worse. I have to go for pre-admission and lab work. It really gets bad now. I go through the routine of signing shit that I don't know what it is and giving this lady my insurance card. She then indigently says, "you know that you have a $1000 deductible", like "you dumb-ass, how can anyone have such a high deductible." the answer is because you charge so frigging much. Being the Henson that I am, I kept my mouth shut :). Then she said, and your insurance only pays 60% for out patient surgery, I asked if I could have it done in patient and she said that the procedure didn't justify in patient." So much for us NOT having socialized medicine. So I asked her how much the procedure would cost and she says, "I don't know but your maximum out of pocket expenses would be $3000, so they needed a check for $3000 up front." My response was-"ain't going to happen." I have spent the last two days trying to figure out what this procedure would cost. NO ONE CAN TELL ME!!!! I was told that they could only tell me AFTER the procedure was invoiced AFTER the surgery. Well, shit!!!! This would be like going to a restaurant and ordering without knowing how much it cost but expected to pay whatever the bill happened to be.

The frigging insurance company-Blue Cross Blue Shield cannot tell me what an out patient procedure will cost me. Their response was somewhere between $1000 and $3000. You pay us $3000 dollars and if it is less we'll refund your money. And the damn thing about it is I don't have a choice. I either pay it and quit hurting or don't pay it and hurt like hell. Excuse the pun, but it's like they have me by the b...., oops sorry but you get the picture, oops I hope you don't get the picture but maybe get the idea. No wonder so many people are pushing for universal health care.

But I still have my dignity...aw shit that hurts. Maybe not.

Thomas-A great man through my eyes

2008-11-09T16:48:00.000-08:00

I'm back to the faith thing again. Let me start by saying, in spite of what you may think when you read what I write, I do believe. I do have a faith in God. But most times it is simply because I choose to believe. I write this blog after having stopped reading The Shack on page 166. I had this crazy notion that by reading this highly acclaimed book by William Young that my doubts about my faith might be eased. Wrong.

I really began to identify with Mack, the major character in the book, for you see he was (is) a man of faith but yet overcome with much doubt. His doubt was because of a major tragedy in his life. My doubt has nothing to do with a particular tragedy in my life. But rather my doubt has to do with the inability to connect with the one called "papa" in the book. When I got to page 166 in the book I felt that I knew how the book would end, Mack would "understand" what it means to be in "relationship" with papa. I guess that is where I miss it in the faith thing. I understand relationship with my wife and my sons. I understand realtionship with my grandson, although he might not yet understand it. I hope he will one day. I guess papa understands relationship with me-I just don't get it. I've tried desperately to have what others call that relationship with papa but it just doesn't seem to work. Do I believe any less in him? I don't think so. I just doubt. Do I doubt that he is there? I don't think so. I just doubt. Do I doubt that he is God? I don't think so. I just doubt.Do I doubt that he loves me? I don't think so. I just doubt. So what is it I doubt? Maybe it is the doubt itself that I doubt.

I have tried many ways to overcome this doubt-a doubt that I have had since a young kid. I was never taught to have faith, I was taught to believe. I was taught specifically to believe the WORD. And when I questioned things that I read in the book and things that I was taught, I was told not to question but believe. So I did. I believed for years what I was told to believe. I even preached for years to others what I had been told to believe. Then when I could no longer believe what I had been told to believe I quit preaching altogether. And that was probably one of the best decisions I have made as an adult. I began to search and seek for that "relationship" that is talked about in The Shack. I tried different varieties if Christianity. I even sought the charismatic and I even think that I found that briefly, though I doubt now. But the relationship thing avoids me or I avoid it.

I sat and stood in church today and really "worshipped" the one called papa or God. Corporate worship is the one place that I come the closest to connecting to papa. There are even times that I nearly have what I call out of body type experiences in these situations, yet that real connection never really happens. Maybe I am destined to be one of those labeled as "little faith". Maybe that is why I connect with Thomas. I know what it is to doubt. Maybe that is why I connect with Peter. I know what it is to KNOW the right thing but ...

So, I stopped on page 166. Will I finish the book? Probably not, Im a doubter. I think I know how it ends. It really won't change my faith. It is what it is. I have come to accept that. Somewhere in the Bible(I used to be able to tell you where) it says that faith at times can be a gift. It is interesting that it doesn't say what kind of faith, whether it is a great faith, a weak faith or a little faith. I have take that as my verse. The faith that I have, one that I simply chose to have, is papa's gift to me. What that means to me is that I don't have to connect-that simply having my measure of faith is enough for that is what papa has given to me.

Pops! for President

2008-10-31T17:27:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying that most of my life I have been a conservative Republican. I have voted for every Republican nominee since Jimmy Carter. I voted for good 'ol Jimmy. I got caught up in the peanut pickin' down home charm of good 'ol Jimmy. Maybe it was the Carter administration that turned me into a Republican because prior to that time I was opposed to the war in Vietnam, opposed to the politics of the racist south and a BIG fan of John Kennedy and Robert Kennedy. In my mind, at the time, Robert Kennedy would have become one of our greatest Presidents. As a young adult, I became "taken" by the JFK assassination. I actually read the Warren Commission on his death. I still believe that there are many unanswered questions about his death. But I digress...

This year I am not voting in this Presidential election and let me count the reasons why.

1. In an economy that is fraught with homelessness, poverty and diminishing retirement accounts we are spending hundreds of millions of dollars in order to assume the post of the most powerful position in the world. Just think of the human despair that could be eased with this money. Campaign spending must be limited dramatically.

2. We have two political parties that cannot find ANY common ground. It is absurd to think that supposedly two "good" men in McCain and Obama cannot find ANY common ground. When both candidates villify the other on the campaign trail but during a light moment during the Alred E Smith dinner can find nice things to say about each other suggests to me the basic dishonesty of both parties and candidiates.

3. Special interests run our parties and our country. It matters not whether it is big oil or big trail lawyers lobbyist or any group in between, we are run by big money not big ideas.

4. Both candidates lie to us incessantly. Nightly, on the media outlets, we are told both candidates misrepresent the positions of the other.

5. John McCain supports continuing to pour billions of dollars into a war when our economy at home is on the verge of collapse.

6. Obama blames McCain and Bush for the near collapsing economy when it has been the leaders of the Democratic party that have failed to heed the warnings of many, including McCain, concerning the effect that sub-prime lending would have on our economy.

7. John McCain has admitted that he is weak on the economy.

8. Barack Obama is weaker on the economy. You cannot raise taxes on anyone during the current economic crisis. It will lead to less jobs, higher interest rates and ...

9. Abolishing secret voting during Union organizing(everyone knows how evryone votes) will lead to more unions which will be the death knell for many small businesses. I know, I run a small business, and we cannot afford what it would mean. The big companies than can would simply swallow us up. This is part of the Democratic initiative.

10. John McCain knows that we can't continue the war and it's economic costs AND pay all his new spending without raising taxes.

11. Obama's plan calls for one trillion dollars in new spending and even by ending the war in Iraq, it cannot be paid for other than by raising ALL our taxes. You may get a "payroll" tax decrease but don't think for a moment that "other" taxes won't be raised. He is a Democrat and that is what Democrats do.

12. What do we REALLY know about Obama? Not enough.

13. What do we REALLY know about McCain? Too much.

14. How can I vote for the candidate of either party when both parties (through big money) stop the voices of those in minor parties? They cannot even participate in the debates. I sure would like to have had Paul and Barr in those debates, they would have at least made the two major candidates face the REAL issues.

15. The candidates cannot agree on an energy policy. One wants more drilling and one wants more alternative energy sources and the one guy(not a politician) that has put his money where is mouth is says we have to do both. Maybe T Boone Pickens needs to be President.

This list could go on and on but the point is that we are all fooling ourselves if we think that either candidate is good or right for this country. Until our political system finds a way to stop the incessant media campaigning we will continue to be bought and paid for.

Here is my simple and maybe redneck solution. All media(paid advertising will be outlawed). Candidates can only campaign(speak to the public) through public forums. No more ad agencies doing slick media campaigns. No more 527's or whatever they are called. All candidates will answer questions from THE PEOPLE at public forums. These public forums will not be organized by the media but by local citizens groups, whether they are the PTA, Chamber of Commerce, or Civic Clubs. When we take the media out of the center and require the candidates to answer our questions and we have a chance of rebuttal then maybe we can finally elect a candidate that is of the people and for the people.

That is my platform. This has been approved by me. If elected I will gladly serve.

Struggling Faith

2008-10-22T13:49:00.001-07:00

As I get older, I think about this faith thing a lot. Maybe when you have to face the reality of the swiftness of life and the futility of it all you try to really get things right. And hell, when it comes to this faith thing I seem to have gotten it mostly wrong during my life.'

I grew up in a very conservative church, maybe even a cult. As a young kid, I knew I had it right. I had book, chapter and verse for everything I believed. AT least I thought I did. But faith was what you knew not a relationship with the big guy who wrote or at least supposedly instructed those who wrote it. This is the environment in which both of my boys were raised. And neither one are associated with that heritage anymore, thank God. I remember my wife suggesting that we start going to a "new church" when the boys were young and I just couldn't, regardless of how unhappy we were. For you see, according to my theology at the time, what we were members of was the "one true" church. As I look back, I wish someone had knocked some sense into me or at least knocked the shit out of me. So yeah, most of my life I've gotten it wrong.

After we left this heritage, I began to seek what those around me had and that was a relationship with the big guy. And I guess you could say it has been a struggle. I am still a believer to this day-I don't like the alternative. But this relationship and faith thing has been a struggle. I read the Bible(and I do believe it to be God's word) but so much of it I just don't get. And this faith thing. I just don't seem to connect. I believe in God and all that stuff. I just have a hard time making the connection. I pray but even then it seems empty. Do I believe the big guy hears me? I think so. I want to be a great man of faith. But for some reason my mind doesn't work that way. It was so much easier when my very dogmatic doctrine was in place, even though now I see how stupid it was. I just have had trouble making the leap from a very academic "faith" to a whatever it is supposed to be "faith".

I still love christian music, especially southern gospel. I still love to read NT Wright-a great theologian. But I am still looking for that "connection with God." I have even experienced some of the spiritual gifts, but even they at times seem hollow. But on the journey I continue. I still believe in heaven-just not that big pie in the sky place-just read NT Wright. And I hope to ask God a few pointed questions one day. Hell, I hope it's Him to whom I am asking the questions.

But in spite of all my spiritual failures, I have a wonderful wife and two sons that have found their way spiritually in spite of me. It warms my heart for my two sons to be developing such a close relationship. But why in the hell did it have to be 3000 miles away. That will be one of my questions. I look at my grandson and he helps me seek God. He makes me know that there is a God. Maybe that is all the faith I'll ever have. I read about great faith and little faith and maybe my role in life is to be one of a struggling faith.

Thanks Brendan

2008-08-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

My wife and I have had the pleasure of spending the last three and a half weeks with our son and grandson while our daughter-in-law has been called to a military assignment. And the last few weeks have been glorious for this old man. I have gotten to know my son in ways that I have never experienced before. I have watched him in awe as he fathers his son. I have even caught myself calling him "daddy". David will always be my son but suddenly he has become daddy. I watch as he plays with Brendan and am amazed at his enegry, David's that is. I watch as he teaches Brendan about life. David is very good at the discipline thing. David doen't believe in corporal punishment and so far he doesn't need it. I watch as Brendan reacts to the firmness in Daddy's voice. I watch as Brendan begins to test the limits with daddy. And daddy doen't back down. David is a GREAT daddy. My love for my son has deepened as I have watched him grow into fatherhood.

Then there is Brendan. I love that little ball of energy more than I can express. We walk together every morning that I am home and we have some interesting talks. I spend a lot of time telling Brendan how much I love him and he usually responds by talking about the big tractors, the birds or the flowers. It seems that we have two different conversations going on but I really believe that Brendan is communicating back to me in "his words", for you see these are words that pops! talks about on our morning walks. He looks at me at times and in those big wonderful eyes I see him saying, "pops! I love you". He melts my heart every morning when I ask him if he wants to go outside and he gets excited and holds his arms out for pops! to take him. There are mornings when we walk that tears stream down my face when I talk with Brendan (as they are now), not because I am sad but because this little fellow has filled me with such joy and love. I can't adequately describe how he has made me fill. Maybe I should quit trying and just let the emotions just wash over me. I never dreamed that being pops! could be so much fun.

And then there is Brendan's grandmother, Jadda. My little buddy has REALLY fallen for Jadda. His face really lights up when Jadda walks in the room. He has learned her name. It really makes me happy to hear my little buddy say "Ja-Da". My love for Jadda has also deepened as I watch her interact with Brendan. After 30 years I didn't think I could love her any more than I did, but I was wrong. I love her more. And as I am writing this I figured out why Brendan is so special to me. He has helped me deepen my love for those around me. I have come to understand even more and even in a deeper way loving is all about. Can I explain it? Nope, but I can sure feel it and it is now so much deeper than it ever was before. Thanks Brendan.

pops!

The diary of a mad pops!

2008-08-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

The last few days have certainly been strange. My oldest son had come home but was on his way to enter the PhD program at Cal Berkeley. Shortly thereafter my youngest son arrived in Birmingham (with the world's greatest grandchild) coming from the Cal Berkeley area. I see one son leaving to study things that will make the world a better place to live and one son arriving having made my world a better place to live. I love both of my sons immensely. As any father, there are times that I wonder "what in the hell has happened to that boy I raised". And then there are other times that I see the glorious hand of God working in their lives. Both of my boys, yes, they're still my boys, are more liberal than their dad. Although, there are times I think that I surprise both of them with some "positions" I have taken as I get older.

For you see, there is a little fellow that I call my little buddy that has helped me rethink the world in which I live. For most of my life, most people would have characterized me as a fairly staunch republican. Today, I don't think any one in either of the two major parties would claim me. I am still a registered republican. But today there are some issues that are really important to me as I look at my little buddy as he toddles around my living room making mouth sounds that I proudly take responsibility for helping to teach him. I also taught him where his ears are. But I digress. As I look at the political landscape I am concerned about several things that neither of the candidates adequately address.

1. Stewardship of our environment. We, individually and collectively, must do a better job at protecting our environment. We need less idiots like Al Gore who are so wacky and off the wall that they give "protecting the environment" a bad name. Just listen to Rush. Poor old Al gives Rush to much fodder. I want my little buddy to be able to enjoy this great land of ours. We can continue to be progressive and environmentally sound, but only when it becomes a moral and ethical issue not a political one.

2. War. I know many think me to be an idealist when it comes to the subject of war. But as I watch countless young men and women die in this war and I ask for what, it makes it hard for this once hardnosed republican to justify ANY war. Yeah, I have become a pacifist. Why? Well, for me I believe that is the message of Jesus. Do I condemn those who feel otherwise? No, as contradictory as it may seem, I honor those who serve. They do so because they believe they should and I honor that belief. But as I look at my little buddy, I can't think of any political cause for which I would be willing to give him up. His life is too precious to me. I have heard people say, "What cost for freedom"? I ask, "What cost for peace?" What happen to love thy neighbor as thyself? What happened to turn the other cheek? Didn't Jesus himself ask his followers to lay down the sword. Look at the money spent and the lives that could have been saved with it rather than the lives lost with it.

3. The economy. What will be the size of the national debt when my little buddy is a young adult? Will he have the same opportunity as his pops! Not a chance in hell if we don't do something about our economy. This is where my liberal tendencies are not so liberal. I love our capitalistic system in which we live, but with a twist. What happens when we apply the Jesus principles to our economy. We certainly would take care of the less fortunate. We wouldn't turn our backs on those who serve us, even if we disagree with the cause. We wouldn't fight over alternative energy versus drilling for oil. Hell, it ain't that difficult. We drill for oil short term and do it in an environmentally safe way, while we actively pursue other sources that will allow us independence from foreign oil. We can do both, but only when we make it a nonpolitical issue but a moral issue.

4. Political Parties. I am so F&^%()& tired of our political parties. How can it be that we so many issues that they can't agree on a damn thing? What if we outlawed all political contributions and all campaigning was done on public airwaves. No contrived debates but just plain old talking about issues sitting around a table with general citizens asking the questions. Federally sponsored discussions with no paid political ads. There has to be a better way. The billions of dollars spent on winning the Presidency could be used to retire our national debt, feed the hungry, care for the sick or maybe even find a cure for AIDS.

What are the hell are we thinking? Who will I vote for? I can tell you one damn thing for sure, not OBAMA or McCain. In my opinion we do not have a choice. We have two politicians running who will say anything and everything to get elected. Nothing new here, but still the truth. I keep looking for the day when America gets so fed up with politics that kick all the bastards out and start over again. I for one will start by casting my vote for.......... You fill in the blank, my is a protest vote.

pops!

Uncovered joy

2008-06-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

I sit here in my office on a Sunday evening thinking about the events of the last couple of weeks. It has been a whirlwind few days. In Columbus one day, back in Birmingham the same day and flying to California the next. Must have been some big business trip? Nope, it was all about family.

You see, nine months ago I was blessed with my first grandchild, hence the name pops. My son David added the ! to pops. He says it's because of how excited that I get with kids. I do love kids. You put me in a room with adults and kids, I want to be with the kids. At family get togethers, I sit at the kids table and not because of my childish behavior(although it is often such), but by choice. At such gatherings, I'd rather be outside with the kids. It must be my refusal to admit the aging process. But nine months ago, I was forced to admit the aging process. Being a grandfather says without a doubt you are getting older. But Brendan Micah has somehow uncover a joy in my heart that I did not know existed. I have been blessed as a husband and a father, I have been given great joy by my family. However, both David (my youngest son) and Jadda (my bride) say that they see a joy on my face with Brendan that they have never seen. I have thought about that the last few days and really can't pinpoint the why of it all.

I told Jadda this morning that Brendan has captured my heart. I really didn't think that there was any more room in my heart to love like I do my wife and my sons, but Brendan has proven me wrong. That little fella has put more joy into my life than I thought was possible. I have a wonderful life but for some reason God saw a need to give me a little more joy.

I do silly things as a pops! I write Brendan letters(emails). My crazy way to "connect with him" two thousand miles away. I love golf and I mark my golf balls with either Pops! or B. And I think it makes me play better. I love to ride a road bike and when I ride I dream of Brendan one day riding with me. I know it's a mommy and daddy's place to get a kid is first bike but the selfish one in me wants to get that for Brendan. I love to shop for clothes for Brendan.

So maybe I've managed to find the reason for this tremendous love for this little ball of energy. I miss being a dad. Oh, I'm still a dad but I miss those dad moments that I had with my boys. Like taking Zac to his first Auburn football game and sleeping in a parking lot and not telling Jadda until years later. Like teaching Zac to ride his bike for the first time. Like getting them a go-kart one year for Christmas and having David proceed to turn it over on himself. Like watching David play baseball with a foot in a cast and still being the fastest kid on the team. Like watching David run track in high school and college. Like helping Zac through trying times during college. Like seeing David being such a good father. Maybe it is because things have come full circle. I don't know how good of a dad I really was? I tried awfully hard at times and really screwed up at other times. But one thing I do know, I love my family. And I sure do love Brendan Micah. He has stolen my heart.

Indiana Jones and the Kid

2008-05-23T20:29:00.000-07:00

This really has nothing to do with the new Indiana Jones movie other than the fact that I just got home from seeing the movie. But it was what happened after the movie that this is about. As India and I were leaving the movie their was a young man asking for money so that he could get in to the movie. Now, I did something that years ago that I would not have done-I actually talked to the man. Years ago, not only would I not have given him any money but I would have just walked right by with a disgusted glare and probably a few choice mumbled words as I passed by. Why the change? Hell, I don't know. Is it God working on me? Is it just getting liberal in my old age? Or is it knowing that I once had kids that age and it just tears my f*&%$@g heart out that I can't fix what is wrong in that kids life, if there is anything wrong? But one thing I do know, the movie was a great movie probably the best in the series, but all I could think about on the way home was why I didn't give the kid more money. I, at first, felt good about helping him get in the movie. He had about $7 and I gave him about $4. Then I ask him to give me all the money he had and I gave him twenty. I ought to feel good about that,huh? Not really. AS I was riding home all I could think about was that I gave him twenty but made him give me change.

There are all sorts of ways that I can justify what I did but they would all be a bunch of lies. I can afford the $20, even with gasoline at $4 a gallon. I'll blow that twenty easy over the weekend. I really should have given the kid the twenty, let him keep his change and told him that I loved him. There are times that the call of Jesus is so strong on me that it is hard to resist-like tonight. It is scary to think what might happen if I ever surrender totally to his urging. What did Jesus say? Something about giving a cup of cold water to those in need is like giving it to Jesus himself. I don't know if I fully understand what Jesus was teaching. But I do believe that he was asking that we touch those that are in need and that is really what church is about. Does helping a kid go to an Indiana Jones movie count? Maybe not. But the kid got to see a helluva movie.

pops!